Personal Ecology: Change Your Life to Change Your Leadership

Personal Ecology eBookMy fellow Lead Change Group author William Powell has written a brilliant eBook entitled, “Personal Ecology: Self Management and the Art of Cultivating Healthy Relationships.”

What William genuinely wants you to be able to do once you’ve read the book is beautifully laid out in his last sentence:

“Find Yourself, Be Yourself and Change the World.”

While some may find this goal to be “fluff,” I agree with William regarding its critical importance in leadership. You will not be fully confident in your leadership until you are sure about who you are at your core, what you stand for, and how you want to change your part of the world.

This is a journey I have been on myself these last few years, a journey to connect with my true self and what I most want to create in this next phase of my life. William wants this for each of us, and I’ve found many parallels between my travels and William’s key lessons.

Four lessons from the eBook that resonated with me and I believe are critical:

1. As leaders, we must understand the importance of our “Belief System” and how it influences us

One, simple example of this is a relationship I had with a man who grew up with a belief system that told him avoiding conflict was a good thing. He believed his ability to date women for very long periods of time without experiencing conflict meant he excelled at relationships. I know through my experience it meant he never got to a level of depth, because when we open ourselves up completely there are destined to be chasms we discover between us and must maneuver.

Similarly, in a recent conversation with a wise friend about a challenge I was facing I remarked, “I know this is supposed to be painful.”  Her response was, “That’s your belief system talking. It doesn’t have to be painful, it can feel freeing or any number of other feelings instead. Your choice.”

When we understand how our belief system influences us, we better understand how we inadvertently bring it our leadership roles, and what we must do to release belief systems that are holding us back from creating excellence.

2. Your actions and beliefs must be in agreement

William refers to this as “congruence.” It seems so obvious, but how often do we say we hold certain values yet find ourselves acting in ways contradictory to them? As a leader, your actions must be in alignment with your stated beliefs or people will be wary of following you. And you won’t be able to sleep well either.

As William eloquently summed, “This is a place of having inner peace with one’s self. Without congruence, a healthy personal ecology is not attainable.”

3. We must let go of our “baggage” to open ourselves up to new opportunities

Just as we hold onto belief systems that no longer serve us, we hold on to past experiences, negative energy and even grudges that keep us from being clear enough to recognize and welcome new opportunities. We have to put the baggage down…and then walk away from it.

Just as I shared my own eye-opening lesson in my post on forgiveness in leadership that once we forgive it is essential that we forget, it’s also essential to let go of the baggage so it no longer travels with us. This frees us to be fully clear about our vision forward.

4. There is great power in living your life without limits

This is something I believe I’ve always inherently known. But I only came to understand the true importance of this recently when I spent a lot of time with people who are not living from this mentality. Rather, they are living from a place of limited expectations.

As William explains, “Living out of a mentality of expansion (not greed) is true freedom.” I believe when you are able to live from this place, you begin to imagine how you can lead from this place!

As William goes on to reveal, “If you aren’t questioning the possibilities, you are limiting the quality and effectiveness of your confident self-expression.”

How will you let go of belief systems and baggage that no longer serves you, create congruence between your beliefs and your actions,  live your life without limits, and bring all of this freedom to your leadership roles? If you’re not sure, William’s Personal Ecology eBook will guide you!

~

The Introvert's Guide to Success in Business and Leadership

The Introvert's Guide to Success in Business and Leadership

Are you an introvert looking to use your introversion to your advantage in business & leadership or an extrovert interested in leading introverts more effectively? I wrote this eBook for you…

The Introvert’s Guide to Success in Business and Leadership” eBook is NOW Available! Now an Amazon Best Seller & Hot New Release, Featured on Huffington Post, and the inspiration behind my Harvard Business Review article!

BUY Now on Amazon for Kindle or Buy it at B&N for Nook! 

Click here to DOWNLOAD in PDF format. Thank you!

Being an introvert is truly an advantage in business and leadership if you know how to leverage it, and if you remain true to yourself.

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How to Lead when Company Growth has Stalled

When Growth StallsHave you had the privilege of leading a team while your company was experiencing rapid growth? What about the challenge of leading when growth has stalled? If you’ve experienced both, you know that maintaining perspective and staying focused on your vision is critical.

But if you’re faced with the challenge of leading a team through stalled growth you need deeper insights. Fortunately, Steve Woodruff and I will be welcoming Steve McKee as our Guest Host this week at Leadership Chat. Steve is President and Co-Founder of McKee Wallwork Cleveland, a company that was recognized by Inc. 500 back in 2003 as one of the fastest growing private companies in America based on its five-year growth results, only to find itself in decline the following year.

Yes, they went straight from five years of rapid growth to decline, and didn’t know what to do.

Steve’s difficult experience turned out to be a boon for all of us. His company decided to research two important questions:

1. Which companies experience stalled growth? (virtually all at some point, including those who’ve experienced lofty growth)

2. What are the factors that cause stalled growth?

As Steve summarized, “Our research has turned our understanding of stalled growth—and our approach to turning it around—literally inside out. We have found that regardless of what’s happening outside an enterprise, it’s what’s inside that counts.”

Steve and his company identified seven factors that lead to stalled growth:

External Forces:

  1. Economic upheavals
  2. Aggressive competition
  3. Changing industry dynamics

What Steve and his company found most surprising about external forces through their research is how often these forces actually catch company leaders off-guard.

Internal Factors:

  1. Lack of consensus among the management team
  2. Loss of focus
  3. Loss of nerve
  4. Marketing inconsistency

Steve describes these internal factors as “subtle and highly destructive” and says, “All four are psychological, all are capable of ruining companies from the inside out, and all are preventable—if you know what to look for.”

McKee went on to write, “When Growth Stalls: How It Happens, Why You’re Stuck and What to Do About It” and is a BusinessWeek.com columnist. He will be sharing his insights on the How? Why? and What to do about it? at #LeadershipChat tomorrow evening at 8:00 pm Eastern Time on Twitter. Join me and my Co-Host Steve Woodruff as we dive into this critical and timely business issue!

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The Introvert's Guide to Success in Business and Leadership

The Introvert's Guide to Success in Business and Leadership

Are you an introvert looking to use your introversion to your advantage in business & leadership or an extrovert interested in leading introverts more effectively? I wrote this eBook for you…

The Introvert’s Guide to Success in Business and Leadership” eBook is NOW Available! Now an Amazon Best Seller & Hot New Release, Featured on Huffington Post, and the inspiration behind my Harvard Business Review article!

BUY Now on Amazon for Kindle or Buy it at B&N for Nook! 

Click here to DOWNLOAD in PDF format. Thank you!

Being an introvert is truly an advantage in business and leadership if you know how to leverage it, and if you remain true to yourself.

Photo credit andyarthur.

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What Leaders Need to Know about Resentment and Conflict

Resentment and Conflict in Leadership“Resentment is a breeder. It breeds more resentment.” ~Wise Friend

Does this resonate with you? Do you have colleagues who resent you for a promotion you received and, as a result, continue to look for reasons to resent you more or to justify their resentment?

What about the flipside; have you ever felt resentment toward a colleague or boss for not supporting an initiative that was important to you or for not giving serious consideration to your ideas or recommendations? Left unchecked, did it lead to more resentment?

Resentment often stems from judgments we make about others’ actions, experiences and motivations, judgments that are often unfounded because we don’t know the other person’s perspective, motivations or even their values. This can close off relationships and paths forward in business and leadership, just as it can in life.

Take Politics for Example

My political views are firmly on one side of the aisle, but I spend part of my time each day watching news on a channel that represents the other side. I do this to better understand their perspective and values. The truth is, good people live on both sides of the aisle, as do good leaders. But we’ve gotten caught up in resentments based on judgments that now leave us mired in conflict.

A Definition of Conflict

At this week’s Leadership Chat our Guest Hosts were the authors of the new, bestselling book, “Have a Nice Conflict.” They define conflict as, “Feeling a threat to our sense of self-worth.” It’s a very personal experience in the same way we experience resentment.

Per the authors, conflict comes from not understanding other people’s values and what’s important to them. Thus, our behaviors are unintentionally perceived by others as a threat to their self-worth, leaving us unintentionally in a state of conflict. Unchecked, I believe this leads to resentment and, as my wise friend alluded to, it further breeds within the relationship or organization.

The authors shared insights about conflict at Leadership Chat that are critical for leaders to understand. I hope they will empower you to move through conflict and to better understand it so it can be prevented in your relationships moving forward. And the more conflict you prevent, the more you free yourself from resentment in your business and personal relationships.

Tweets from the authors of “Have a Nice Conflict:”

->Avoiding conflict is one of the worst things you can do. Makes it worse, and takes longer to resolve. #leadershipchat

->Research shows: the most effective leaders deal with 60% more conflict than their peers. #leadershipchat #NiceConflict

->#NiceConflict is an opp: Discover why ppl are in conflict & you’ll find what’s important to them (values!) #leadershipchat

->#NiceConflict restores the self-esteem of everyone involved. #leadershipchat

->#NiceConflict gets the results U want and improves relationships at the same time. #leadershipchat 

->#NiceConflict is one that leaves the relationship stronger than before the conflict. #LeadershipChat

->#ConflictResolution is a journey back 2 self-worth. The benefits of conflict cn’t be realized until there. #LeadershipChat

->@marvrussell Yes. It is impossible to “take the emotion out of conflict.” #leadershipchat #niceconflict

->Apply the 5 Keys to Having a Nice Conflict : Anticipate, Prevent, Identify, Manage, and Resolve. #leadershipchat

->Build stronger relationships and there will be less turnover because of bad leader-follower relationships. #leadershipchat

->20 yrs research, 60,000 exit interviews: bad relationship with boss is #1 reason for leaving job. #leadershipchat 

->To prevent conflict, put yourself in the other person’s shoes – you will understand them better. #leadershipchat

->Unresolved conflict complicates future conflict. If we don’t solve it now, it will come back again later. #leadershipchat 

->In conflict, be authentic – true to yourself. Find a way to do that in a way that is respectful to others. #leadershipchat

->Leaders need to develop a productive view of conflict – it can lead to good outcomes if managed well. #leadershipchat

->Our Strength Deployment Inventory helps reveal the values and conflict tendencies of self and others. #LeadershipChat

->Learn to recognize the verbal and non-verbal “clues to conflict” of the people who matter to you. #leadershipchat #NiceConflict

->When you know what’s important to people (discover values) you can choose behaviors better, avert conflict #LeadershipChat

->If dialogue disrespectful that IS a problem. Possible that we need a break or a mediator. #leadershipchat 

->In a nice conflict we join forces to compete and prevail against the problem. #leadershipchat

->”What’s most important to you right now? RT @AngelaMaiers: The best question to ask during high conflict is…. #leadershipchat

->When people take sides we must look deeper for common ground. Keep asking why their positions matters to them. #leadershipchat 

->Leaders must first IDENTIFY conflict before they can MANAGE it and RESOLVE it. Not as easy as it sounds. #leadershipchat

-> +better the relationship @RonAlvesteffer Too many apprch conflict to defend when we should approach cnflct to become better. #LeadershipChat

->Mindset in conflict is key: Are we competitive or collaborative? #leadershipchat

->RT @jasondyk: @danperezfilms you don’t have to choose sides in conflict, you just have to understand each other’s stories #leadershipchat 

->If you want better answers in conflict – ask better questions. Learn the Craft of Conflict Questions. #leadershipchat

->Leaders should encourage productive debate based on facts (opposition) – and prevent it from getting personal (conflict). #leadershipchat 

->RT @ScudderTim: @jasondyk We should prevent conflict (threat to self-worth). We should embrace opposition (disagreement). #leadershipchat

->Leaders need to acknowledge that issues may cause conflict – and appeal to followers’ shared purpose. #leadershipchat

->To prevent conflict, leaders must know how to anticipate it — know their people’s conflict triggers. #leadershipchat

->Conflict = a threat to self-worth. Leaders need to protect the self-worth of followers. #leadershipchat 

->@danperezfilms RE bruised egos–true, nice conflict improves the relationship but the bruises rarely go away completely #LeadershipChat 

->I love conflict. Love is the verb in that sentence. If you love something – make it better. #leadershipchat

->Conflict can be destructive too. All the more reason to learn productive conflict management skills. #leadershipchat

->Every conflict is an opportunity to learn about: the people, the business, the customer, and yourself. #leadershipchat 

->Conflict is often the first signal that we have an opportunity to improve. #leadershipchat #NiceConflict

->Engaging with conflict shows you care about the people AND the problem. #leadershipchat #youmatter

->Conflict, when handled well, can be a source of productivity – it can spur needed change. #leadershipchat #NiceConflict

->Our ultimate measure is not where we stand in moments of comfort, but where we stand in conflict – para. MLK jr. #leadershipchat 

->Impossible to take the emotion out of conflict – neuroscience research finding. Antonio Damasio. #NiceConflict #leadershipchat

->Don’t confuse opposition and conflict. Opposition can be negotiated. Conflict is a personal experience. #leadershipchat 

->@RonAlvesteffer Prevent conflict by proactively choosing behaviors that don’t threaten the values of the other person. #LeadershipChat

->#NiceConflict can restore trust. #leadershipchat

->If no conflict in a relationship – then you’re probably not talking about the things that matter. #leadershipchat #youmatter

Learn more by buying the book at www.HaveANiceConflict.com! (disclosure: the authors sponsored LeadershipChat, and we were honored to collaborate with them)

How do you address conflict and resentment in your organization?

~

The Introvert's Guide to Success in Business and Leadership

The Introvert's Guide to Success in Business and Leadership

Are you an introvert looking to use your introversion to your advantage in business & leadership or an extrovert interested in leading introverts more effectively? I wrote this eBook for you…

The Introvert’s Guide to Success in Business and Leadership” eBook is NOW Available! Now an Amazon Best Seller & Hot New Release, Featured on Huffington Post, and the inspiration behind my Harvard Business Review article!

BUY Now on Amazon for Kindle or Buy it at B&N for Nook! 

Click here to DOWNLOAD in PDF format. Thank you!

Being an introvert is truly an advantage in business and leadership if you know how to leverage it, and if you remain true to yourself.

RELATED POSTS:

Can Forgiveness in Leadership be Empowering for All?

The Art of Moving Forward: The First Step

Photo is Authoritarian Semiology by mendhak.

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