The Only Way You Can Really Hurt Me

To Be a Woman Team

To Be a Woman Team

I was in Atlanta last week at the World Trade Center launching To Be a Woman, a global platform for the empowerment of women, into corporate America. It was a divinely successful event and I was so proud and honored to be part of the To Be a Woman Team.

But a situation occurred just before the event that could have made it a very different experience for me. You see, an event attendee came up to me unexpectedly while I was alone in a hallway and physically threatened me. I had never experienced anything like it, and never dreamed of it happening to me, particularly in an executive building. To be honest, I was so stunned I truly don’t remember what this person was saying to me at the time.

In the next few moments I realized I had a choice:

  1. Let the experience and feeling of being a victim wobble me and take me “off my game”
  2. Take my power back and go do my job brilliantly

I chose #2 because the only way you can really hurt me is to prevent me from “shining my light” in this world, and I wasn’t going to give this person that power over me. (Although, admittedly, I spent a few minutes feeling quite wobbled.)

I went out and did what I’m here on this Earth to do: to speak, to facilitate, and to help others empower themselves by sharing my own experiences. I “rocked it” with an extra dose of “rock” for good measure. Because I had to.

The same is true for all of you.

The only way others can really hurt you is if they keep you from shining your light – your unique set of gifts that no one else exudes quite the way you do – in this world.

Here’s the critical point:

The only one who can prevent us from actually shining our light is ourselves. But so often we give this power to others. We let what they say or do to us make us believe that we either:

  • Don’t have a light to shine (People who have a lack of self-worth or control issues sometimes try to make us feel this way)
  • Aren’t worthy of shining our light (People who are insecure sometimes try to make us feel this way)
  • Shouldn’t shine our light (People who are jealous don’t want us to succeed)

It’s not easy to take back that power we so easily give to others. It takes tremendous self-awareness and time spent letting go of emotions and fears that hold us back.

But as leaders, it’s our responsibility to shine our light, because it’s a gift!

I am blessed to be part of a beautiful team of women, and so many people comment on how there’s not an ounce of jealousy among or between us. They’re right. It’s because we all honor each other’s special gifts and talents that we bring to this world. When each member of my team is “doing her thing” I am inspired and awed.

When I got up and spoke at the World Trade Center and looked at my team in the audience, I saw looks that said, ”You go girl.” Because there is no jealousy when we as individuals and as leaders honor the special gifts that others bring to our companies and organizations. We each have a unique light and we shine them in our own special way. So why try to compete or be someone we’re not?

When someone doesn’t understand this and tries to threaten you and take you off your game, or to make you feel devalued in some way, just shine that light even brighter! It’s why you’re here, my fellow leaders!

~

The Introvert's Guide to Success in Business and Leadership

The Introvert's Guide to Success in Business and Leadership

Are you an introvert looking to use your introversion to your advantage in business & leadership or an extrovert interested in leading introverts more effectively? I wrote this eBook for you…

The Introvert’s Guide to Success in Business and Leadership” eBook is NOW Available! Now an Amazon Best Seller & Hot New Release, Featured on Huffington Post, and the inspiration behind my Harvard Business Review article!

BUY Now on Amazon for Kindle or Buy it at B&N for Nook! 

Click here to DOWNLOAD in PDF format. Thank you!

Being an introvert is truly an advantage in business and leadership if you know how to leverage it, and if you remain true to yourself.

Photo of To Be a Woman Team from Atlanta Zrii event.

Leadership Advice for Young Introverted Leaders

Leadership Advice for Young Introverted LeadersLast week I had the pleasure of coaching a group of young, rising stars at one of Chicago’s largest companies as part of the Magnetic Leadership Program. It’s work I adore and wish I could do more of because I know it makes a difference and provides valuable insight for high-potential leaders to accelerate their success.

I was honored to have the opportunity to coach a gentleman who is clearly an introvert and at the relative beginnings of a career that promises to be stellar. He told me he’s being encouraged by his management to “change” in order to be more successful, which is feedback I suspect many young introverts receive. If you’re a long-time reader of this Visionary Leadership blog you probably know what my response was: “That’s the last thing you need to do. You need to be true to yourself in order to be an authentic leader.”

Change vs. Strategies for Success

Introverts absolutely do not need to change who they are or act like an extrovert in order to be successful. At the same time, there comes a point in our careers where we absolutely do need strategies that will help boost us up the ladder rungs. As I wrote in The Introvert’s Guide to Success in Business and Leadership,

“While both introverted and extraverted leaders excel at leadership and in business, it’s my experience that introverts have a more difficult time moving up the ladder to reach the executive level in the real world, for a variety of reasons.

These reasons include, but are not limited to, being less comfortable seeking the visibility required to be recognized within a company, a lack of mentoring on how to network effectively in a way that is comfortable for introverts, the fact that introverts tend to move to action less quickly than their extraverted counterparts, and that they may be less likely to ask for new opportunities and increased responsibilities because of their more reserved nature.

I believe it’s also because they simply have a more difficult time, particularly during the formative part their career and in job interviews, putting themselves out there in a way that gets them noticed and boosts them up the ladder rungs.”

Getting Noticed is Critical

That last sentence is critical for young, introverted leaders, especially high achievers who have been very successful based on the results they’ve driven early in their career. We want to believe that what’s made us successful in the past will continue to make us successful in the future.

Here’s the important truth: As you look to move up the ladder of an organization, it’s not enough to get results and it’s not realistic to think you’ll only be evaluated on your results. Instead, you’ll be evaluated on intangibles like confidence, assertiveness, poise, and presence, as well as more tangible traits like resourcefulness, demonstrating company values, and articulation. And all of this is on top of more familiar leadership skills including creating and communicating a clear vision and aligning your team and strategies to bring this vision to life.

But the only way you’ll have the opportunity to be evaluated is if:

1. You make sure you become fully visible in the organization

2. You ensure your ideas become visible in the organization

And this is where it becomes more challenging for introverts. Introverts need strategies that enable them to “move along the scale” toward extroversion, as necessary, to become effective, inspiring leaders. But they can do this in ways that are comfortable for them as introverts, with the right guidance and support from upper management. And believe me when I say when introverts do share their ideas and insights in the world of business and leadership, people listen.

So my introverted colleagues, I plead with you not to listen to anyone – boss, coach, colleague, family member, or friend – who asks you to change who you are. Honor your introversion – it’s a gift laden with many unique and valuable strengths!

But accept the responsibility to learn strategies that will enable you to take the power in your ideas, and your inner self, and make that power visible and invaluable to your organization!

~

The Introvert's Guide to Success in Business and Leadership

The Introvert's Guide to Success in Business and Leadership

Are you an introvert looking to use your introversion to your advantage in business & leadership or an extrovert interested in leading introverts more effectively? I wrote this eBook for you…

The Introvert’s Guide to Success in Business and Leadership” eBook is NOW Available! Now an Amazon Best Seller & Hot New Release, Featured on Huffington Post, and the inspiration behind my Harvard Business Review article!

BUY Now on Amazon for Kindle or Buy it at B&N for Nook! 

Click here to DOWNLOAD in PDF format. Thank you!

Being an introvert is truly an advantage in business and leadership if you know how to leverage it, and if you remain true to yourself.

Photo from http://www.napleschamber.org/chamber/young-professionals/.

The Power of Leading with Honor and Self-Empowerment

U. S. Naval Academy

I had the honor and great pleasure of speaking to a group of Midshipmen at the U.S. Naval Academy last week. I don’t use the word “honor” lightly. I told them I work every day with current leaders, but rarely get the opportunity to work with future leaders. They were a brilliant audience and their enthusiastic service to our country is genuinely humbling and worthy of our deepest appreciation.

I spoke about the 4 tenets of “Leading as an Introvert,” and I told the Midshipmen the first is the most critical: honoring who you are in every moment.

We talked about how introverts should honor their introversion and not try to act like extroverts in order to succeed as leaders. Rather, they should be true to themselves and leverage their unique and invaluable introverted strengths to succeed, no matter what they choose to do in the world. Because the truth is, when you give yourself permission to be more of who you are meant to be and less of who you are not, you empower yourself as an individual and as a leader.

This self-empowerment that comes from honoring your truth is actually quite freeing. You can stop trying to act in ways that don’t fit with who you are, and discover the power in simply being yourself. Since, at its root, honor is about respect and a code of conduct that encourages emulation, honoring who you are in every moment sets an example of self-empowerment for others to emulate. I would argue that a fully-empowered team would be unstoppable.

The Power of Authenticity

As a leader, what comes from honoring your truth is authenticity. I realize this is becoming an overused word but it’s just so critical in leadership. For only by being truly authentic will your followers be able to trust you. If they think you’re “faking it” in any way, they’ll mistrust your motives and will lose respect. Success as a leader starts with a foundation of trust between leader and follower. Developing these trusting relationships is one of the essential roles of a leader, and a sign of honoring your teams and followers as individuals.

From the Root of Trust Blooms Action

Once team members are fully able to trust their leader, they are then psychologically and emotionally able to open themselves up to being inspired and motivated by the leader. From there, they’re moved to action.

And all of this starts with honoring yourself and your truth, and then honoring others in turn.

What do you think? Please join me and my talented Leadership Chat Co-Host Steve Woodruff Tuesday evening, April 17th, at 8:00 pm Eastern Time on Twitter as we host a global conversation on “Leading with Honor!” Put #LeadershipChat in your tweets so they show up as part of the discussion. We’re looking forward to seeing you there!

~

The Introvert's Guide to Success in Business and Leadership

The Introvert's Guide to Success in Business and Leadership

Are you an introvert looking to use your introversion to your advantage in business & leadership or an extrovert interested in leading introverts more effectively? I wrote this eBook for you…

The Introvert’s Guide to Success in Business and Leadership” eBook is NOW Available! Now an Amazon Best Seller & Hot New Release, Featured on Huffington Post, and the inspiration behind my Harvard Business Review article!

BUY Now on Amazon for Kindle or Buy it at B&N for Nook! 

Click here to DOWNLOAD in PDF format. Thank you!

Being an introvert is truly an advantage in business and leadership if you know how to leverage it, and if you remain true to yourself.