Reading the title of this blog post might lead you to believe this is entirely off-topic for a “Visionary Leadership” blog. It’s not.
That’s because roughly half of the visionary leaders on this planet are women and I fear, if these women are anything like me, they have spent many years – in my case more than I’d like to admit – wishing they could change something, or everything, about their bodies and their looks.
Why is this when, as women leaders, we bring such a unique and balancing perspective into the work world, and we often feel enormously proud of our creativity, ingenuity, perseverance, adroitness at empowering others, and of our brilliant accomplishments?
I believe it’s because when we look at ourselves in the mirror we often receive a message that undermines all of it: we don’t measure up based on a societal standard. We feel wholly worthy of respect in the Boardroom and in our office, and then with a quick trip to the ladies room and a glance in the mirror we inadvertently strip ourselves of this respect.
“How can we be valued in all aspects of our lives if we just don’t measure up in the area that has a unique standard reserved for women, beauty?” we subconsciously ask ourselves.
And then we subconsciously take this negativity back to our offices and the Boardroom.
What Happens Next
What happens when we get back to our offices and encounter female colleagues? Sometimes we compare ourselves and wonder what it’s like to be taller, or blonde, or a different dress size. Sometimes that leads to jealousy and even petty competition.
This…with the same women who we could be bonding with and celebrating the richness of our life experiences. This…when we could be mentoring each other and encouraging each other’s professional success.
So where does this evil cycle begin? Sometimes like this…
The standard at its ugliest
I remember one gorgeous day many years ago when I was in college, walking along one of the beautiful streets of campus back to my sorority house. As I passed a fraternity house I saw a few of the members reclining in lounge chairs out on the front lawn and realized in a state of horror that they were “rating” women on a scale of 1-10 as we walked by, holding up large poster board signs with the rating for all to see.
Well, needless to say all the beauty of that day was gone and all that was left was a sick feeling of unworthiness and devaluation. The experience reinforced the message that no matter how smart of accomplished I was people would be evaluating me based on my appearance. It was entirely disempowering.
How We Can Empower a New Standard of Feminine Beauty
Ladies, if I may be so bold as to assert this: it’s entirely up to us. The only ones standing in the way of a new standard of feminine beauty, one that doesn’t look the way an immature fraternity boy holding up a poster board with the number “10” might describe it, is us.
Empowerment comes from within. We must empower ourselves to see the profound beauty in ourselves and to see it and celebrate it in others – especially women we normally might be jealous of or feel a sense of competition with. Because the beautiful truth is this – you will be your most stunningly gorgeous self when you empower yourself to be more of who you are meant to be, and less of who you’re not.
If we all do this, imagine the positive energy we’ll bring to the world, not to mention the workplace? Imagine how women will stop discouraging each other and start mentoring and coaching each other? Imagine that we walk back into the Boardroom after a quick trip to the ladies room with a glance in the mirror feeling the same sense of power and worthiness as when we left it? Imagine how far up that corporate ladder we could go if we were boosting each other up along the way?
We have the power to create a new standard of feminine beauty – simply by choosing to see profound beauty in each and every one of us.
A New Beginning
For me, 2011 was a tremendously significant year for my soul. With much spiritual work, I was able to end the year by looking in the mirror and finally being able to say to myself, “you’re beautiful,” and to actually feel it.
For the first time in many years I went into the New Year not desiring to change anything about myself – simply accepting myself and loving myself as I am. Not that I don’t embrace personal growth – I absolutely do! But for me, simply being able to feel worthy in my own skin is invaluable.
Now, you might think this is ridiculous and you also might think it would have no impact on my life. The truth is, it’s been entirely freeing. It must be noticeable because in the first few days of the year I had a handsome gentleman chase me down in a busy office building to tell me I was “very attractive,” another gentleman pull up next to the car I was in on the highway waving and smiling ardently, and a friend ask me what I had done because she insisted I have never looked more beautiful.
These things absolutely never happen to me. I repeat, never. What did I tell my friend?
“I have simply chosen to see myself as beautiful.”
And so, one wish for 2012 is this: that all women will be able to look in the mirror and see how gloriously beautiful they truly are, as they are, and that men will genuinely value women because of the balance we bring to the world, our brilliant and undeniable contributions to mankind, and the way we make life better and more fulfilling. I wish for an end to a “standard” of beauty and a new beginning of relishing beauty in all its forms!
As my spiritual guide and new business partner says of beauty,
“You can only see it, say it, hear it if it already lives within you.
If you see beauty you are beautiful.
You canNOT see it in others if you don’t have it.
…..and once you recognize that you have it, the magic lies in the sharing of that beauty.”
I am wholly committed to sharing beauty in so many ways in 2012, including with the corporate world that is in need of a soulful rebirth. I will be writing more about this in the months to come, but am starting by sharing the beauty of the team with whom I’ll be working…the To Be A Woman team of Vanda, myself, Bren and Dana.
We are devoted to helping women – and men – be more of who they are meant to be and less of who they are not, to be empowered by love, power and wisdom, enriched by their knowing, guided by their intuition and supported by their divinity.
Yes, 2012 will be another very soulful year…
~
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